Ask yourself do you feel froggy?

As most of you know we received our y chromosomes last Thursday, from there it has been one long countdown to ovulation. I think a short play regarding sperm delivery should be written:

*Doorbell rings*
(I am upstairs peeing on a stick yet again, Andrea is downstairs- I think she will answer the door)
*Doorbell rings* *knocking*
(Ok Andrea is not going to answer the door- insert Amber running down the stairs before the fed-ex guy leaves)

Amber: (Opens the door slowly)

Fed-ex guy - lets call him Ted: Delivery for Ms. Massey.

Amber: Yep, that's me.

Ted the fed-ex guy: I need a signature, what do you have food in here or something this package is so cold.

Amber: Sure I will sign, nope its a sperm tank.

Ted: Just when I think I have delivered everything- well good luck.

I drag the 22lb, 2 1/2 tall tank inside. Thus, its been sitting in my bathroom for the last four days. I knew upon ordering it that the liquid nitrogen would run out in about a week. I was hoping that my body, would comply early, but no just like me its a stubborn bitch. So I calculated the liters of nitrogen that it leaked daily, it was just about to be empty, and well I needed more time. Plan B find a liquid nitrogen supplier. Well that's easier said than done. I mean I can't just hop in my car and drive down to Walmart and buy liquid nitrogen, most places won't even sale it to you without a license.

After around the 8th call this morning, I found a company that said- yes bring it down we will fill it. So I threw on my scrubs- and headed down with Andrea, and Savannah in tow. By the way Van says she is going to write a book about our family and call it a sperm's tale. She thinks she is funny. I drag the tank down the stairs, and straddle it all the way to the airgas company. What? I am not putting it in the back, it needs to be secure.

I go in the glass doors dragging my tank behind me. A burly man with grease on his hands, ask me if I need help. Ummm yes can you not see the big tank? I say what I need, and John the gas man comes to take my tank. John wants to take the tag off the the cylinder at the top. I have a slight freak out moment, and explain that the contents can not touch room temp. He grins a big toothless grin, I can see him squinting at me behind his welder glasses. "Ma'm" deep southern drawl "I have to take the top off, to put the nitrogen in, I can't pump it through the little valve in the side." Which was my first request. I say, "Yes, I gather that you must pour in the liquid- I am just saying do not expose the contents to air." He snaps the blue tag, and lifts the lid. Andrea is standing by the door arms folded, as if she might jump him for taking the lid off.

So away John goes with our hopes and dreams. In a few mins, he sticks his head in the back door. "Hey whats in this thing, you need medical grade nitrogen?" I say, "Its cryogenic, yes I want medical grade." He shakes his head, "Alright then." In that moment he reminded me of Slingblade- alright then, I like them french fried taters.

Ten minutes later the tank is full. John puts it back in the box for me, and tells me to keep the lid loose. I say, "Yes, I do not want cause and explosion." He said, "Where ya want to put this at in the car?" I say, "I want it up front with me." He laughs a big belly laugh, "Man, you are a brave soul." Look dude you have no idea the size of my balls.

So we go back in to pay, the cashier says- "Your account number please?" Umm what? I say, "I don't have an account, I will pay you cash- you want my name?" He says, "Oh you have to have a license for medical grade nitrogen." Don't mess with man- don't mess with me. I say, "Look- no one said that (I knew that), and my tank is already filled. I will happily leave you my nursing license number, but hell or high water that tank is going home with me filled." So ask yourself do you feel froggy? Andrea is standing in the corner at this point, eyes big. I think she might let me kill this one. After that the cashier got real friendly. $30 dollars later I have a full tank that is safely back in the bathroom, seeping small increments of nitrogen. We are good to go for another week. I don't think it will be that long, but like I said- stubborn bitch.