I find it amusing how the straight world often describes the experience of lesbian conception into terms they can understand. I can't tell you how many times a straight person has assumed Andrea and I are making regular trips to the doctor for our IUI, because really, what other way could a lesbian possibly concieve???? My friend actually asked me if anonymous donor sperm comes from some sort of vat. Even though it's impossible, imagine if we got sperm from a vat. No longer would sex be the only mystery.
You would think that urban legend of the turkey baster would have enough power to at least bring the concept of home insemination into the mainstream.
They just don't think about it much. After all, baby making for them is all about getting off the pill and fucking like bunny rabbits. Which is why when we show up with a baby they are amazed and think that baby must have been made by fairy dust and chants under the full moon.
Just this week, I had two people ask me how exactly, we were going to go about getting knocked up? In moments like this I think I should reference my friend Taylor's plan for men on a global scale. She proposed we place men in "libraries" and if you need a lover, need a friend, need some sperm- you just go and check them out like a book. Works for me. Bye Bye boys. :)
Most of the time I just answer the questions politely, and explain options. I have read the stats, every time you try to concieve you have a 20% chance of getting it right, regardless of whether you are in an office or not. So I explain,that I want Andrea to be as involved as possible- I want her to pull that plunger back, and push it in (for lack of a better description).
This week there was a slight melt down on my part- imagine that. It was like a nuclear disaster area, I exploded and for generations people at CCB will be growing extra body parts. I sware most of the time I am really a nice person, just don't mess with the sperm, I can't take it.
We had ordered vials for this go round, only to get a call saying "Oops, we didn't have him in ICI form." LOOK THE CARD CATALOG SPECIFICALLY STATED HE IS CHECKED IN! So I melted down, I spent a small fortune and you don't have want I want??? WHAT!!!
Andrea talked me down off the ledge which she has been doing for days now, thanks to fertility drugs that make me like a serial killer waiting on prey.
My intent to kill has not declined today, after spending yesterday evening in an ER with Van. Is it a prereq that ER docs have zero personality? He even tried discharging us without reading her ultrasound images. WHAT! Excuse me, I have spent 4 not so fun hours perched on a bench in a room that is colder than North Dakota, and you don't have the time to read images? Again- Andrea stepped in, she def is keeping me from commiting a felony this month.
The only thing that helped my sleep deprivation state of being, is a a call from a specialist for Van, and a sperm tracking number (A tall Russia gypsy with blonde hair and brown eyes, like Andrea)- five more days. Five. Best pray for the people around me.
Ps. Lots of luck to two of my lesbian friends who are awaiting results for pregnancy this week!! Much baby dust to you both! :)
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