BFN? WTF?

Wow! So look at what a slacker I have been. When was my last post? I can't even remember. I would like to take this moment to blame the holiday season, on my absentee blog posts. This week I have received about 10 emails wanting to know about the baby making. I wish it was as simple as whipping up a cake, and sticking it in the oven. I could do that no problem all day long- from scratch. Things never seem that simple in our world.

I should probably take a moment to tell myself to be patient. Alas, patience was never my virtue. I don't like to sit around and wait for things, I am a pro- active type. We started thinking seriously about babies in Sept, my doctor gave us the green light. We thought of trying in October, timing was wrong if you remember.

We bought the goods in Nov- and this was our first attempt. We did an ICI at home (Just like all you straight couples out there.) 11DPO- BFN and AF. :( As you can tell my conception vocabulary has increased two-fold. Mostly because I believe if your going to be good at something, you need to know all the details. I am a detail whore. Andrea thinks I am crazy, I have charts, and graphs. Come on, I was a Biology major its what I do. So after the negative result in late November we decided to wait until after Christmas to try again.

I continued BBT and graphing, the numbers soothe me. Perhaps, I am a tad OCD?

Second try- we are going to the doctor. Mostly because its not cheap making a baby. 1st attempt: $800= 0, multiply that by my anger. Well you get the idea.

Late Dec-

I took clomid cycle day 1-5. What is clomid you ask? Well its an estrogen blocker, what does this do its causes your ovaries to produce more- there by increasing follicle stimulation (eggs). Why would I need it? Well the doctor assures me that its to make more eggs available at the time of IUI. IUI (interuterine insemination) that's right the doctor places a small catheter into the uterus, and deposits the goods. Not so romantic right?

What else does the Clomid do though? It makes me like a lunatic. I am hot/cold/sweaty/depressed/angry/weepy/sick I am like a schizophrenic gone wild. My ovaries hurt, and I threaten to kill people on sight.

Cycle day 11- ultrasound to check follicles. (U/S = $150 a pop in case your keeping tally) Right ovary 4 follicles good size, Left ovary 3 smallish follicles. Most of the time one ovary will make one follicle which turns into one egg. I am thinking the clomid did its job well. I am told to come back in one day, the doctor wants the follicles greater than 18mm.

Cycle day 13- ultrasound ($150) Again 4 great follies, 3 that are almost big enough. I am told we are going to do an HCG trigger shot- which will release the follicles- better for timing and all. Plus three of my follies are greater than 20mm. HCG trigger shot ($105).

Cycle day 14- IUI. We wait with my legs in the air, for a large Jamaican doctor to place the goods. While I am flat on my back with the doctor between my legs, he chooses to talk about child labor, and Walmart. The nurse prefers to talk about my jewelry, she loves it wants to know where I bought it. Ummmm this is a surreal moment. I could possibly be conceiving our child, and this is our conversation. In all of 5 mins the procedure is done, and I am to wait on my back for 20 mins.

So total for the day $375+ $840 for the goods. I think the grand total was $1700 for the whole ordeal.

2WW Did I tell you patience is not my virtue? Yeah- so the HCG trigger shot will supposedly stay in my system for 14 days, causing a false pregnancy test. So not testing!! Yeah right, I POAS on cycle day 4 its negative, so at least I know the trigger shot is gone.

I wait...I wait...we wait.. I HATE THIS!!

10DPO (10 days past ovulation) Horrible cramps, and nausea. Maybe implantation? I want to die, its like contractions during labor it hurts so bad. I have an incredible pain tolerance, once I walked around with a pulmonary embolism for a month, before nearly dying. I can take pain. I feel like something is wrong? My ovaries feel like they are in a vice. I call the doctor...test..testing..I am informed its OHSS- what? Ovarian hyperstimulation syndrome, essentially my ovaries have swelled and collected fluid. Why? Oh the fertility drugs I didn't need. Makes sense.

Can I still be pregnant?? 11DPO- a big fat BFN. I am officially a day late. Surely I am pregnant? 12DPO- a big fat BFN! GRRRR! AF starts. This sucks. So now I am stuck with swollen ovaries, and a uterine lining of 16. Its going to be a lovely cycle.

Andrea and I sit down to talk. I am upset, and she is so calm. Maybe its the drugs? Hers or mine who can tell? I say, "Let's wait to try again until we move." Oh yes, we are moving to Dallas in June. I am tired, my body is revolting. I have walking pneumonia, my ovaries still hurt, and I just am lacking heart. She says, "Babe we can wait, we can go, I am here to do whatever you feel like doing." I love this woman.

So if your still reading, that's the story. We wait. We have some travel plans, and we have to house hunt so I am sure to keep myself busy while we wait.

Side note- I have to go in for an HSG- which is basically like an MRI of my female goods, to see if the swelling in my ovaries is better.

We wait.....