Thing 1 and Thing 2

Have you ever just woke up in a bad mood, cursing the day- and the sunshine streaming through your office windows? Today is that day for me. Perhaps it really started on Friday evening when both of the children asked to have a sleep over.

Why as parents do we strive so hard to make our children happy? I mean my mom locked us outside on sunny days, and dared us to even knock at the door. I didn't get coaxed through my homework, or patted on the back everytime I breathed right. As a parent I often think, am I raising a useful person?

However, these thoughts did not occur to me on Friday night as I said, "yes" to the demands of the tiny dictators who run my home. I pulled my end of the week self off the couch to make cookies for all of the children who would no doubt, run in and out of my house for the next 48 hours. I stood for 2 hours and made 72 cookies from scratch. Tell me that's not love, or perhaps madness- those are often confused sentiments.

Van's friend came first, (Jeeha) a quiet well mannered child, who would rather read than be rowdy. I like this friend. Next came Abe's friends, two boys from the townhouses down the street- I will call them thing 1 and thing 2. Although, before they could come I had to meet their mother. If you know me you know, that I hate small talk, I would rather pull my hair out than talk about the weather or how many sweat shirts you bought on sale at Old Navy. I don't care! I grinned and talked though, because I want my kids to be happy. Also, a short shout out to my wife who ran up the stairs and hid from the woman, until Thing 1 spoke up and said, "Where is Ms. Drew?" *Busted* Andrea had no choice, but to come slinking down the stairs and join the small talk session.

After the painful exchange of pleasantries, and the mom left- chaos insued. Thing 1 and Thing 2 wreaked havoc on everything they touched. They wanted dinner, I fixed them bowls of Texas chili, turns out thing 2 doesn't like beans, and thing 1 didn't like turkey- wasted food another pet peeve of mine. They ate through two bags of chips, and half of the cookies in one session. At one point there were 12 children running around our living room. Thing 1 comes in and asks, "Can I have one of your diet pops?" (POP? Oh he is from up North) I say, "No." Thing 1, "Are you being serious? I really can't have one?" Look at me, do I look like a person who makes jokes at will?

Thing 2 brings in a kid I have never seen before, the new kid is about 13 or so- Thing 2's friend begins rummaging through my cabinets. "Um Excuse me, who are you and why are you in my kitchen? Abram, come get your friend before I make him cry." Abe comes running into the kitchen, and tries to smooth over the situation.

We somehow wrangled them all to take showers, and tried to get them to lay down by midnight, at 3:30 am- I hear Thing 1 trying to skin the cat, or what sounds like trying to skin the cat. I get up, I can hear Abe trying to shush the boys into silence and get them to drop the cat, "Dude, my mom is going to hear you, and you might not know it but you should be scared." After talking to Thing 1 about the treatment of the animals, and threatening bodily harm on them if they didn't sleep. Thing 2 has the audacity to say, "There is nothing to do in your house, and its boring." By nothing to do, I assume that he means- at his house he rules, and acts like a crazy mutant monkey. That's not going to work for me. Well even though its pre-dawn and you live way down the street, if your not happy walk your butt home.

By Sunday afternoon, my patience was growing thin. The mother didn't call about them, didn't come pick them up, and they just kept staying and staying. So I returned to The Carol Massey child hand book. Rule #1 Lock them out when things are out of control. So I did just that. I banned them to the backyard, and dared them to come back in. No more sleep overs with Thing 1 and Thing 2.