Lipsticks, deodrant sticks, and pee-sticks.

Day 11 on the schedule, cycle two. The morning starts out just like every other morning in our house. I have to wake Abram up three times before he pulls himself out of bed, and down the stairs. I walk him to the bus, which he is disgruntled about as usual. "Mommmmaaaa no one else's parents walk them to the bus stop." Stomping his feet. "Look Abram, no one else's parents love them. Be glad I love you too much."

I see him off by 6:20, and I am back in the living room watching CNN. My phone rings at 6:45. Its early but I grab for it, in a panic thinking perhaps Dad has finally wandered off into the woods, and was attacked by a bear. Yes, I have an over active imagination. My phone blinks Andrea's name- I think what the heck is she doing, she is just up the stairs in the bed.

"Hello" I can hear her breathing on the phone. "What are you wearing?" She growls out in that husky Texan drawl. "Ummm yoga pants, and my old college sweatshirt." She laughs, "Work with me here- I am forgetting what you look like." I know what she means, but I am too tired to play a long.The plight of every married couple with kids. I say, "I know babe, such is life." She huffs a little, "Shouldn't you be up here peeing on a stick or something?" Then in a sing-song voice she says, "It's check fertility day, check fertility day- LAY some eggs today YEAH YEAH YEAH!" See what I have to live with folks? She is a morning person, and I am just wanting to go back to bed at this point.

She is right though-today, marks the second round of ovulation testing. Simple enough you would think right? Wrong. We have bought dozens of ovulation predictors- thus far one was dropped in the toilet, one was chewed by the dog, and one was opened in the dark thinking it was a tampon. Well they were setting beside the toilet.

"Well babe, I would come up there and pee on a stick, but its not like a pregnancy test, I have to check in the afternoon. My levels will be best then." I say this matter of factly. She says, "Well how the heck am I suppose to know that? Want to come try anyway?" I think, can we please scale back the excitement woman.

Back when we started the process, and it was noted that all of my hormone levels were good. I boned up on everything OB/GYN. Mind you, I had one rotation back in nursing school on the labor and delivery floor, and decided I never wanted to spend my time between some screaming woman's legs. Ironic, I know. I think I was scarred by one such woman, who kicked me in the face while I was putting her catheter in. No thanks. So aside from that little knowledge, we could both be considered novices on the whole creating a kid thing- without a guy.

So our doctor sends us home, with good lab work, and dreams full of promise. Now what? Umm sperm. Yeah that's kind of a big deal. We joined every sperm bank from here to California. Pouring through applicants. My concern- how smart is the donor? Andrea's concern-how athletic is the donor? We had some debates over a few contenders. There are so many options, I have to tell you I have never put more thought into one single activity. Now, our sperm has been hand picked. Back to ovulation.

I consider us both intelligent college educated people, we got this on lock. Umm no. Turns out there are all sorts of ways to test for ovulation. We counted- starting at the beginning counting forward, we tried temp checking BBT- you have to have the special themometer, we counted more- starting at the last day and going back, we measured cervical mucus (TMI-sorry it has to be stated), we measured cervical softening- think of spelunking with no equipment, and a tiny lamp on your hat. Requiring oodles of patience, more than my technical writer wife can summon, and so far I have come up with one conclusion. Its no fun being the patient.

So wish us luck, for the next five days. We will be measuring, and hopefully ovulating.

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